Thursday, 8 September 2011

Star Wars is S**t

This post is not about education or IT but I felt it would be a reasonable forum to get something off my chest.

I loved Star Wars.

It was my favourite film (or series of films) as a kid. I must have rented The Return of The Jedi so many times. One of the best things about Christmas was one of the Star Wars films would be on TV. This was in a time before the internet, before video-on-demand and DVD boxsets. Before movie channels played films 24/7. Star Wars, Empire and Jedi were what we looked forward to.

Now I have a son of my own. I was looking forward to the day I would be able to show these to him. Although the originals, as I saw them, are now un-showable as we no longer have a VHS player and with every re-release and re-issue comes some more changes (Wiki Changes).

This I am in two minds about. On one hand, these films meant something to us, they were special the way they were, the constant fiddling renders each edition out of date as soon as you have watched it and what is with the crappy music and the Noooooooo and Gredo shooting first? -This school of thought has also been expressed in music here.

On the other hand these films belong to George Lucas so shouldn't he be able to do whatever he wants with them? Making them look less crappy on our HD televisions is a good thing right? Maybe one day he will decide to take the scissors (not literally, as it is all digital nowadays) to The Phantom Menace and with any luck edit out half of that rubbish.

No, the real thing that is annoying me with Star Wars, after going back and watching them now the whole 6-part saga is available, is how they don't make sense.

Lucas was supposed to have written the whole saga in 1975. If this is the case then how do you explain the following?:

1. Incest. You are not telling me during Empire he knew they were brother and sister and allowed THAT kiss. Which leads me to conclude he made it all up as he went along.

2. Nobody recognises C-3PO and R2D2. Come on, they are at every major event in the galaxy.

3. If Vader could sense Luke, why couldn't he sense Leia? The Force not work on chicks?

4. How can Leia remember her real mother when she died in child birth? Just ignore the facts and again make it up as we go along.

5. When would Luke's father have said he wanted him to have his lightsaber when he was old enough? I don't think Anakin and Obi-Wan kicked back and chatted much after Luke was born. Also affirming the view that Lucas was still making it up as he went along. I bet Lucas didn't even know at this point Anakin was Vader.

Watching them now, with older more cynical eyes, there are many instances where the plot continues to annoy me. I feel like kicking myself that I didn't notice/care the first five, ten or twenty viewings round. For instance:

1. Luke learns about the force and then (probably the same day) acts like it has been his religion all his life, scolding Han for not believing in something he found out about that morning (Family Guy pointed this out and now ruined this part for me).

2. Stormtroopers are supposed to be so precise yet can't hit a barn door when they are on screen.

2.b ...and don't check behind locked doors.

3. Chewbacca and Yoda know each other and are friends. Come on, how few individuals are there in this galaxy and why then couldn't Chewie explain everything to Luke?

4. Yoda and Obi-Wan insist Luke needs more training in Empire, but in Jedi when he comes back Yoda says 'no more training do you need'. Despite having no more training.

5. Kill her immediately obviously means a lot later when someone has managed to come and attempt a rescue.

6. Space is pretty big, why not go around the death star and run away instead of into a fleet of enemy ships? Or for that matter above or below the line of star destroyers?

7. Why, when there are so many robots and droids in existence, would you not shoot an escape pod because it had no life signs when you were looking for some stolen plans?

It is not just the originals, even though they are the ones which hurt the most. The newer prequels are also not imune to annoying me.

Besides the 'rubbish-ness' with the whole of Episode I, why does Padme fall out of a ship and roll around in agony, only a few seconds later to jump up and run off like nothing happened? Natalie Portman cannot be that bad an actress, she was nominated for an Oscar.

Why has being a Jedi changed from being a part of a religion (ancient so Han and the Empire dude says, despite the Jedi's being wiped out only about 20 years ago) to being infected with little magic creatures (midichlorians)?

It also turned out Yoda did not train Obi-Wan, despite what Obi-Wan said in Empire. Actually, there seems to be a few things we 'knew' because we were told in the original trilogy that were completely changed in the newer prequels. Like the point earlier about how Leia remembered her birth mother.

No, going back now I am more and more convinced most of the plot was made up as they went along and then later found parts of it didn't fit into what they wanted the story arc in the prequels to go like. I hope people can continue to get as much enjoyment out of it as I did as a kid, but come on Lucas! Brother and Sister snogging! You didn't know what was happening and you fluked it, didn't you?

Source: Moonfruit